Tootsie PottySquirt

Sometimes when you have a stressful day or week, you need some silliness to break up the day.
Here is your dose of humor for the end of the work week...FRIDAY! Yippee!!

And don't go all adult - a senior manager is now known far and wide as Dorky Gizzardsniffer.

The following is excerpted from a children's book, Captain Underpants And the Perilous Plot
Professor Poopypants, by Dave Pilkey, in which the evil Professor forces everyone to assume
new names...

1. Use the third letter of your first name to determine our new first name:

a = snickle b = doombah c = goober d = cheesey
e = crusty f = greasy g = dumbo h = farcus
i = dorky j = doofus k = funky l = boobie
m = sleezy n = sloopy o = fluffy p = stinky
q = slimy r = dorfus s = snooty t = tootsie
u = dipsy v = sneezy w = liver x = skippy
y = dinky z = zippy

2. Use the second letter of your last name to determine the first half of your new last
name:

a = dippin b = feather c = batty d = burger
e = chicken f = barfy g = lizard h = waffle
i = farkle j = monkey k = flippin l = fricken
m = bubble n = rhino o = potty p = hamster
q = buckle r = gizzard s = lickin t = snickle
u = chuckle v = pickle w = hubble x = dingle
y = gorilla z = girdle

3. Use the third letter of your last name to determine the second half of your new last
name:

a = butt b = boob c = face d = nose e = hump
f = breath g = pants h = shorts i = lips j = honker
k = head l = tush m = chunks n = dunkin o = brains
p = biscuits q = toes r = doodle s = fanny t = sniffer
u = sprinkles v = frack w = squirt x = humperdinck
y = hiney z = juice

Thus, for example, George W. Bush's new name is: Fluffy Chucklefanny.

Remember that children laugh an average of 146 times a day; adults laugh an average of 4 times a day. Put more laughter in your day.

There is much pleasure to be gained from useless knowledge.

PS: Patzy Low aka Tootsie PottySquirt

GLOOMY BEAR

Heeeaaaaahhhhhhhhh!!!
Take that &%#$@, and that @$# and that &*%$^%#@ !!

Thanks to my cousin, I have been introduced to a new bear-on-the-block.
Round of applause for GLOOMY BEAR! (Clap, clap, clap, clap!!!)

Check it out. You're bound to love it!

English:
http://markcity.blogspot.com/gloomy.htm

Japanese:
http://www.chax.net/
http://www.gloomybear.net/

STINKY SMILE

Imagine smells of the sewerage wafting past me at the very moment this picture was taken. Couldn't tell right? God knows how I managed to put on that smile.

That's what you get when you spent most of your savings in Korea even before getting to the UK. But Daewon Inn was in prime location. In the heart of the Seoul CBD . And the owner sure displayed personalised service. He rode his cranky bicycle out to meet me in front of the Koreana Hotel and walked me to the backpacker's. He could have gotten the extra thumbs up if only he had offered to lug my backpak on his bike though.

I had extended my trip in Seoul for one more week. And I was pushing my luck with the finances. It was a tiny little room, all set in cubicles raised about 50 cm from the ground. My room came with a TV and clean bed linen. At least there weren't cobwebs and cockroaches in the room. (Look out for post on 2 night stay in backpacker's near Hongik University.) And of course, there were heated floors or best known in Korea as Ondol. I was pleasantly surprised that the shared bathroom and toilet were conveniently located just one step away from my room. Of course, all good thoughts flew out the window when the ammonia stench jolted me up from my sleep on my very first night.

Breakfast was included as do most backpackers around the world now. And the breakfast table was set in the middle of the Inn among lots of potted plants, giving you the feeling of a tropical resort. This was where you chat up new travellers and friends. I met some very cute bunch of Japanese guys, 2 Frenchmen, another young bunch of Korean students and a Brazillian Jazz musician. Funnily, they were all male.

This room was the most interesting of the lot in Daewon Inn. It was IN the wall of the kitchen. It belonged to the Brazillian musician and he had been there for 2 months already!

Actually I didn't manage to get a picture of the room while I was there. This picture's copied from http://berclo.net, a man who stayed at Daewon Inn in 1994 and this was his room.

I lasted 3 nights there before plonking myself onto a Heavenly Series bed at the Westin Chosun. All thanks to my sister of course. Oh for the price of fresh air! Haaaaa....

MY GUTS INSIDE OUT

I was a having a great day in Sydney, blue skies, warm day and everything was going my way. Until this couple in front of me tried to display their tricks of the trade. It was an Aussie girl and Asian boy, trying their luck at pickpocketing a Japanese girl's schoolbag, right under my nose. Instinctively, I semi-shouted, " Hey, Hey!" amidst all the noise as we were crossing George Street in Chinatown. I realised 5 secs later what I had got myself into.

She turned around and gave me THE look, telling me to mind my own business and keep walking. Now that she's got me started, I lugged myself (with both hands full of grocery bags) towards the 2 targeted Japanese girls, trying to keep up with them. I was only hoping to deter the predators.

But neither of us were giving up.

The Aussie pickpocketer came up next to me, repeatedly warning me to get lost and mind my own business. After a 100 metre walk, the Japanase girls who were busy chatting, finally noticed me. I said Hi and they thought I was just being friendly.

The pickpocketer got so pissed at me she whispered in my ear:
Don't you dare say anything to them. If you don't f***ing keep walking, I am going to f***ing STAB you!

By this point, adrenaline was pumping well through my system, and I was starting to feel freaked out. I continued to walk with the Japanese girls, trying to hint to them that her bag was open but they just could not understand my body language. In fact, they thought I was just being friendly! Desperate to get the message out to them, I stupidly said something in Mandarin. Ineffective obviously. Duh.

The devil on my left side said:
Stop being an idiot! Keep walking if not you'll be dragged into some dark corner and beaten up !

The angel on my right side said:
Don't let these criminals get their way. Foil their plan! Besides they're just teenagers, they won't dare to do anything to you.

In the end, this pickpocketting couple got so caught up with trying to get rid of me, they didn't realise the Japanese girls had gone into a building. They were both harrassing and threatening me now, and one of them decided to call for help to get rid of me. I had stopped in my tracks by this time and also picked up my phone trying to call the police. I was scared shitless and ended up calling my husband.

The couple realised I wasn't going to let them off and decided to chase after the Japanese girls. I decided not to follow them into the building lest I got ambushed.

Paranoid by now, I kept watching my back as I walked to my car. And then to make a police report at Central Station. Hopefully, the time lag while they were hassling me, gave the Japanese girls an opportunity to slip away from these predators.

Ironically, the Aussie girl had a tattoo on the back of her neck, Chinese character "Xing" (4th sound) or trust. Little does she realise it's a dead give-away because I gave the police a very detailed description of her, especially this tattoo.

I've had a few bad runs in Sydney recently. Hmm...better watch my back now.

The NOT-SO-AMAZING Human Body Exhibition

I wasn't too impressed after all that hype. And I thought it was over-priced. A$20 for a single entry to see some beef jerkies. Unlike the beautiful one on the poster, the bodies were not in techni-colour. And my goodness, they were skinny. I suppose it was the process of plastination which included defatting and dehydration.

Hmm....I do quite like the idea of defatting though. Wonder how it was done? Like liposuction? Or cutting the fat off layer by layer? Or does it just drop off once you are dead? Ok, ok...I'll stop now.

So I give this exhibition a 2 -star rating. **

WHY ME ?

(Taken from VicRoads http://www.vplates.com.au/index.htm)

What's the first thing you look at when you go to your car? Your tyres? Your windscreen? Your windows? Or your precious licence plates?

Me? I just look at the keyhole and my way home. That probably explained why I didn't even notice my licence plates were GONE. After a 13 hour shift at work and been up since 0400hrs in the morning, you DO NOT notice such things at 2030hrs at night. Not to mention the dodgy feeling walking around this part of Sydney after dark. I just wanted to get into my car and lock the doors.

So it was the next morning before anyone mentioned to me about my missing licence plates. Both front and back ones. And by the time I am writing this, someone's probably used them on some stolen car to rob a bank. Funny how no one stopped me during the almost 2 hour long drive from work to home that night. Not even the police on major freeways. Strange.

3 years ago, I had my car tyres slashed when I first moved to Melbourne from Sydney. Probably just because I had my NSW licence plates in the Victorian state. This time, I had my Victorian licence plates stolen in the NSW state.

What's with these people???!! I am a true victim of the NSW-VIC rivalry.

FISH N CHIPS ANYONE?

(courtesy of http://bcm05.blogspot.com/)

Can't wait to go to this exhibition!

NO BRAINER

Literally - no kidding!

Check this out...

http://www.unknowncountry.com/news/?id=2009

DO I LOOK LIKE A BOWLING PIN?

What a shocker today.

I had the best greeting this morning by the RESIDENT MONSTER. He's the resident scooby-doo on good days. I am talking about our 2 year old Staffordshire Cross Bull Terrier named Skippy. Because he's peanut butter brown. And mum thought the peanut butter brand Skippy was just the right one. He was one of several puppies being lined up to be put to sleep because there were no homes for them. So Ray brought him home one day afer work to become the 3rd member of a gang of brothers. In chronological order, Big Brother was Taco, a Chihuahua, followed by Dexter, the Border Collie, then Skippy.

So that's Skippy's little intro. What he did to me this morning was potentially fatal. And I mean seriously fatal, like head injury, unconscious, laying in Intensive Care type fatal. Skippy in his own doggie wisdom had figured I was also in a playful mood and decided to run into me from behind at full charge. As if he was the bowling ball and I was the bowling pin. By the time I heard him and turned around, it was too late to dodge him! He had run me over in front of the water tank and my head had missed the metal water pipes by millimetres. Not to mention the brick-laden garden floors. Imagine Gay Focker in "Meet the Parents" and his slow motion "Rrrooooaarrrr!!!" as he spiked the volleyball and broke his girlfriend's sister's nose . That was my exact expression. I went "Nnnnoooooooo!!!!" and before I knew it, I was flung up into the air, face up, and wham, back onto the floor. Miraculously, I kept my head up and my 60kg frame meant Newton's law of gravity made me fall with great speed. So I fell partially onto Skippy, saving my back.

You....you....you bloody dog!!!!!!

I had a go at punishing him afterwards by trying to smack him. But he thought I was playing with him!! Ohhhh...I give up!!! I threw my hands up in the air and took the nearest escape into the house.

Skippy is going to miss out on the Shmackos (doggie snacks that make dogs go wacko!) for a very looong time. Hmmph.

PAPARAZZI PATZY

Just got back from a speedy trip to Melbourne.
Just to pick up the last of our belongings. And a quick catch up with my girlfriends....oh I missed them. Good to see them all. All glowing !

There is a trick we learnt about long distance driving though. Drive an hour each and swap. Doesn't matter if you are not tired. It turned out to be the most effective way to keep the journey going. Of course, unless you have 2 people who simply couldn't time their nature calls very well. We had to make toilet stops every half an hour at one stage ! Hahaha!

And I risked getting a speeding ticket on the notorious Hume Highway chasing after a pink Beetle. I mean seriously, full-on PINK man. Just like the yellow hello-kitty one but in pink. There I was, coming so close behind it, Jitian camera in one hand, head out the window, all ready to snap a picture. Imagine that, we were like PAPARAZZIs....hahahaha!

I swear the driver must have known. It kept teasing us....slowing down, speeding up. Eventually, it eluded us by swerving out to a filter lane only to disappear into the bushes, away from my reach. :(